January 11, 2013



Ok. So. This was supposed to be horrible. We had boycotted seeing this film on principle. We couldn’t get past the absurdity of taking a board game of grids and red pegs and turning it into anything with substance. Having successfully avoided it through theaters, and receiving an abominable preliminary review from my trusted critic roommate, I was sure I had missed the window of being made to see it. That is until one Mr. Taylor Kitsch appeared as Gambit in Wolverine igniting a fire in her loins that could only be sated by viewing every item in his filmography. As the supportive friend I am and now with morbid curiosity for this film that had sunk so horribly at the box office, I willing sat down to invest the time and give Battleship it’s moment of couch glory. I went into it with the mindset that it would be two hours of attractive people in perilous situations surrounded by water and impressive effects and I was not wrong. However, it also had decent dialogue and it actually took the time to develop it’s characters. Though we couldn’t actually remember Brooklyn Decker’s character’s name and we kept calling her “Hungry”. But that aside, I actually kinda liked this movie. Granted, it’s basically water Transformers without Shia LaBeouf or friendly Autobots, but so is the forthcoming Pacific Rim, and we will be seeing that too. I’m actually sad Kitsch caught such crap for this movie, he was understatedly hilarious with one liners and situational puns and hey… He’s hot. Rihanna wasn’t horrible either. She didn’t wow me with untapped acting talent but she had a natural presence that blended well into the setting. There were giggly moments when the actual game board logic was incorporated, but it was kept to a minimum and was done tastefully. Best part of the film was the recruitment of legit retired navy sailors into saving the world. You could tell they had sea years on them and they brought a level of respect to the story I had not expected. In conclusion, and a drastic turn of events from a few hours ago, I actually wouldn’t discourage any action movie fan from seeing this. Go ahead, it’s worth the 131 minute runtime.

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